Michelle’s maternity portraits are especially meaningful, because they represent not only the birth of a new life, but the loss of a life as well. Michelle had been with her fiancé, Jay, for 3 years when he tragically passed away. They had had a miscarriage, and Michelle needed time to heal from it, so they decided to wait to try again. Michelle regretted not trying for a baby again. She thought the chance was gone, but ten days after her husbands passing, she found out that she was carrying his child. It was a bittersweet moment. Knowing that she would get to have a piece of him with her was comforting, but nothing will be able to change how much she misses her fiancé.
My miracle and rainbow baby
"I was with my fiancee for 3 years. He has two boys. We a bought house together, moved in together, and wanted to start a family. We never fight. We had the best relationship with love, respect and loyalty. We were supposed to get married August 10th, 2022. His birthday is Aug 8th and mine is August 12th. We met August 10th that's why we decided to choose that date. We had our first baby January 2021 but we had a miscarriage. I was able to cope and get through the pain and grieving because I had my fiancee with me with full support. I didn't wanna try after the miscarriage. I told him we would try following the year.
On August 21st, 2021, he passed away suddenly/unexpectedly. My whole world crashed and I just wanted to die also. I almost committed suicide. I didn't want to live and didn’t want to continue. I can't find the words to say how difficult it is to accept that he's no longer here. I wished we tried having a baby again after my miscarriage.
On September 1st, I felt like someone was whispering to me to take a pregnancy test, but I was 100% sure that there was no way I could possibly be pregnant. I thought I had missed my period for the month of August due to all of the stress. Finally when I got up that morning, I decided to take a test as its not going to hurt. I was so shocked and I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant. I actually looked back and realized I didn’t missed August. I had my period that month. I found out I was pregnant very early.
It's a bitter sweet feeling. My vision shifts but my heart is still and pain. First thing came to my mind was how he won't be here on this journey, to listen to our baby’s heartbeat, to see my belly grow, to be there for my labor and delivery, and how my baby won't have a father. With everything I went through it was so hard for me to accept it and be happy in the beginning of my pregnancy because I was afraid about all the what If’s. The loneliness and sadness of not having your partner, the grieving while being pregnant and the knowing that our baby will not experience having a father. I keep my head up and I know I need to fight and be strong for me and my baby. Im grateful for all the people around me who never give up and are always there to give support, care and love.
I need to be strong and try my best to move forward because I know our baby’s heartbeat relies on the existence of mine. On week 20 of my pregnancy, the doctor said that the baby had heart problems. His heart rate was in the mid 70’s for a month and a half. I prayed every night. I feel like its a lot already but I didn't give up, I have my faith and I pray to God overnight to guide and keep me and the baby safe.
I dreamed of Jay, my fiancé, on January 20th. He was rubbing my belly and talking to the baby in my belly. It was the first time that I had that kind of dream. January 21st during my doctors appointment, the doctor gave me the wonderful news that the heart block was gone and he has a healthy heart. I was happy and from then I tried more to be okay and fight everyday. It's difficult but I keep my faith and pray to god to continue to give me strength and hope. That why I decided to have nice maternity photos that I can one day look back and show my son.
This pregnancy meant a lot to me. It saved me, and gives me hope and strength to continue and live my life. It’s what my heart and soul needs. It’s an unconditional love. My heart is still in pain from losing his father, but it is filled with love knowing theres a precious human being growing inside me that has a piece of his dad. He’s my miracle and rainbow baby.
It’s such a blessing carrying a little human being inside of you; it’s priceless capturing the special moments that you will have with your future son/daughter. As they say a picture is worth a thousand words and it is true. For every smile, gesture, and pose theres a lot of story behind that and one day you have that precious photo to look back and tell yourself YOU both MADE it!"
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